surrender in my back pocket

i spent a lot of time with a lot of people this weekend. i am head over heels in friend love with my friends.

a very good friend got the keys to her first home. we celebrated.

i re-approached the parenting conversation with some of my friends.

on friday, i made an agreement to surrender to possibilities for thirty days. no really, an actual signed agreement. i've been doing this awkward oscillation between radical acceptance and saying no to everything because i don't trust my own decisions.

the results of this are sometimes amazing, but sometimes i end up gratefully accepting crap, or categorically denying fantastic opportunities.

so, the terms of this deal are this- for 30 days, starting last friday, i remain open to possibilities the universe sends me. i don't make excuses that allow me to turn down blind dates, i don't flake on my friends, and i keep my ethics about me. so, i don't have to say yes to everything that comes my way, but i have to consciously drop my batting practice bullshit for 3o days.

i'll keep you posted on how this goes.

on a whole other note, i had the day off, and it was gorgeous. like, kiss the ground gorgeous. but when the sun went down, i got a sudden case of the lonelies. i feel out of touch with my family. i can't wait for christmas, and for all of them to visit this spring.

and speaking of trips... glacier! i need to set up the blog for planning the train trip to glacier. it's going to be more expensive than driving, but way more fun, and meaningful, as well. i need a train trip with folks i love like my garden needs water these days.

geez.......

i forgot to mention...

i got an awesome new job!

and my house projects are wrapping up.

and, life is supremely fantastic these days.

sickness and all...

pee test, once more, with feeling

i just got home from urgent care.

i've felt puny for a couple of weeks. tonight, i started peeing blood. and feeling particularly vommy.

fortunately, most of the diagnostics could be done with a pee test. i am dehydrated. i have too much blood, protein, bacteria and white blood cells in my urine. and my blood pressure was through the roof.

i have one ear infection, a sinus infection, and bladder and kidney infections.

i have to start taking better care of myself. i have to take diabetes seriously. i have to start exercising on a regular basis.

the frequency of this same round of infections has everything to do with being diabetic, and is completely preventable.

i have a ridiculous antibiotic regimen for the next ten days....

change gonna come, pt. 2

transitions are typically very, very difficult for me.

i'm trying to remember what i learned from therapeutic massage- breathe.

i had some out of town visitors last week. it was a whirlwind to spend as much time as i could with both of them. and a funny juxtaposition since one is very new to me and one is one of my oldest friends.

work has me tuckered out. but i am grateful for the opportunities i have.

i'm thinking a lot about transitions and change and gifts and losses. a friend is in the last days of saying goodbye to her dog, who has been her companion her entire adult life. i wish i had words for her. all i have is a heart throwing sparks their way. sparks of the gorecki's 3rd symphony kind.

damon on palin

prepare

i'm in getting ready mode.

the house is undergoing some upkeep. the inside walls are getting new paint. things are getting tidied up.

in lots of ways.

i've been really messy for a few years now. while it wasn't a good kind of messy, it served a certain purpose.

i'm moving back to tidy. it's easier there.

annie has a fence, and playdates. she got to play with jackson for a few hours tonight.

i have a home i can breathe easier in. i still have a lot of projects, but i feel like they can wait. next summer will be another set.

work is coming together for me. i feel grateful for two jobs i love so much.

the balance is not getting to hang with my friends so much right now. but, nesting is close at hand, and then the hanging out will be endless. it's time for fires, and chicken pot pie, and knitting parties.

and it's not far from my mind that i'm also preparing for other things in my life. when i wake in the AM, i think about what my day would look like with a family. it's all forecasting at this point, the reality will of course be different.

all of these preparations lead back to the same path- family, love, hope, faith, intention, and missions.

more on this later....

paint job

i'm trying to figure out new paint colors.

i have a small house. with not much natural light coming in. i learned, from experience, that i have to choose extremely light colors, because otherwise, it get real dark, real fast.

i stood in the home improvement store for what felt like a very long time. i couldn't choose a shower curtain either.

but, i get to start showering at my house again. which is so, so good. but thanks chooch and summer for the showers this week.

this weekend feels like christmas- home improvement, getting the first week of this new training out of the way. old friends, new friends. so good.

next week will start the paint job, big cleaning up projects, and getting ready for fall planting.