watermelon on salad

things went upside down a couple of months ago. six months into my technical training position at providence, i was promoted. six months into that, i was laid off after our census dropped by almost 50%. this busted my hopes of re-financing my home, as my mortgage adjusts relatively soon. i'm trying to remain hopeful, but i also need to realize that i could lose my home in the next year.

a lot of us were laid off at hospice of seattle. another position came open, and i am now in accounting. the 40% pay cut could still leave me out of reach of a safe mortgage. i appreciate them retaining me.

but i feel lost. i have a masters in gender studies, but lack formal training in technology. the job market is awful, and i should be happy i have a job. and a workplace that loves and supports me.

my goal for the past two years has been to becoome a corporate trainer, and move into a quality and operational excellence track. or, i want to go back to school and become an arnp. this is a long and expensive proposition. i'd rather be a trainer. but these are tough jobs to come by.

a relatively new person in my life took me out for drinks and dinner this week. and to talk jobs. i appreciate her help. i like her. i'm glad we're connected. i started to breathe deep for the first time in a while as we hung out. my friend summer turns 30 tomorrow. her birthday celebration was this weekend. about twelve of us rallied up at a cabin on the sound. i met up with them late, since i worked yesterday. driving out there, i was thinking about how i isolate myself when i'm nervous. i've been nervous for a while. i needed to connect with my folks this weekend. and i love how solid they are. i can move in and out, and they remain steady, always welcoming.

i got there in time for dessert. summer and pat made sure i got some dinner first. there was salad with watermelon. it was amazing. and it was the first thing i've tasted in months. it warmed me up. i played ping pong, soaked in the hot tub, made plans, and felt at home. i love these people more than i can say most days.

i don't know what's going to happen. i'm going to expect great things on the job front. i'm going to find my way. i'm going to breathe, and fish, and play catch, and love these folks in my life. i'm going to focus, and keep warm. and be grateful for these folks that keep me warm.