homesick

fall always feels nostalgic to me. this can leave me feeling completely at home in the world, wherever i am. and sometimes, it leaves me feeling homesick.

lately, i've been feeling homesick. i've moved a lot, so i always have people to visit, but i can sometimes notice that i don't have everyone in one place.

i'm also working a lot, and feeling, in general, disconnected. feeling disconnected always causes me grief.

enter stacy. stacy, one of my oldest friends (we've known each other since 7th grade) is coming into seattle this week. stacy is also one of those friends, that just keeps getting better with time. as much as i loved and appreciated stacy when i was 17, those feelings have grown exponentially since then. as we continue to experience life, i am amazed at the similarities and differences of our two lives. and how our ties continue to weave themselves through.

i loved high school. i love being from arkansas. my high school friends are still very much a part of my life, and it's times like this that i'm painfully aware that i can't drive over and hang out with someone i've known for more than half of my life.

the good news- my newer friends, while newer, are just as important to me. and handily, in closer proximity.

needless to say, i'm really looking forward to the visit with an old friend. i'm really looking forward to feeling at home.

and on that note, i received news that one of our schoolmates suddenly passed away. while katie was a year younger than me, i looked up to her, and all of her family, a lot. katie will be missed.

the state

sunday marks ten years since matthew shepard was killed.

today, the connecticut supreme court ruled that same sex marriages were legal. sarah palin was found to have acted unethically in the firing of her ex- brother in law. the financial crisis is sobering us up. barack obama is pulling ahead in some polls.

and for the first time, i'm beginning to feel like i live in a democracy. for the first time, my peer group is making a difference at the polls.

maybe it's because i'm 32. maybe things just feel like they're getting better.

but i really think they are. for the first time, i see my communities forming, and sustaining themselves.

whatever way things go, i hope we've all had enough. enough of the status quo. enough of letting other's votes carry more weight, because so many votes are absent.

i hope the newly formed neighborhood associations continue to thrive. i hope i continue to see political signs, and peace signs, fly in my neighbor's homes and yards. i hope i continue to wake up excited every morning to read the news. i hope i continue to assess myself, and my values, and my actions.

i hope i keep welling up, on my way home, because i'm hopeful for my communities for the first time in ten years.